I Taught You How...

Now that I think about it I can't be mad at you,
because I'm the one who taught you how to do me the way you do!

I look back on those days when I slacked off & dropped my guard,
I taught you how to do the same which for you wasn't very hard!

It was me who taught you how to keep messing over me in this jungle safari,
since I always let you back in time & time again after your millionth "I'm sorry"!

If I want God to forgive me, then I MUST forgive you,
but I don't want you to get off that easy & that's the honest to God's truth!

Between your hurtful past, troubled present & blank future, so much is hurting you, 
All I ever tried to do is help, but seem like you want me to hurt too!

I won't let you drag me down, Grace & Mercy is applied,
I lay you at the feet of Jesus, for reasons like this He Died!

Lord knows I know life & death are in the power of our words,
But, things that you have said to me are words I've NEVER heard!

Maybe I'm reaping what I've sown from past verbal fights,
consequences don't go unpaid once they are exposed by God's Light!

If I knew I had inner demons to conquer, I would NOT purposely involve myself with you,
I'd rather walk away, get the help I need & try again once I'm improved & new!

I owe you nothing, stop acting as if my love for God excuses you from all,
Do you have any idea how the impact your negativity has made  me fall?

But, I taught you how to treat me by accepting mediocre behavior,
when the God I serve says strive for perfection until the day of my risen Savior!

I taught you how to treat me without commanding the respect I'm due,
I used words only, but now my actions say "I'M THROUGH"!

I forgive you because I have to & I forgive myself too,
But, I pray YOU never forget, don't get it twisted, yeah, I said YOU!

I taught you how to treat me, now I'm putting you back in school,
Don't think this will come easy, RESPECT & LOVE are my #1 rules!

Get yourself together first, then bring it to the table,
Everything will work out for my good, I KNOW my God is able!

I taught you how to treat me, but I'm unlike any other girl...
God, helped me collect my pieces from all around this world!





SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

VALIDATION

 

My oldest son bought a cell w/his b-day money & he is with his dad this weekend. He text me, while I was driving from far away coming from a call back audition that lasted 10 minutes, if that! I was not feeling all that great about my performance & his text said "Hi just wanted to say I love you!" Little did he know I was feeling mighty low cuz I believe I cud have done better, I thanked him & told him that it was perfect timing & felt like a (BIG HUG)! He asked what was wrong & I told him, he said, "GOD DIDN"T BRING U THIS FAR 2 LEAVE U!" *tears* sniff, sniff THANK U GOD 4 COMPASSIONATE, THOUGHTFUL & LOVING CHILDREN! I LOVE U!

All the years of love, support, compassion & giving my children all of me is paying off in more ways than one! It’s like I'm reaping what I've sown! My oldest daughter kept me focused the night b4 auditions...she bid me God Speed & prayed 4 my attention span 2 last long & 4 me not 2 be sleepy or distracted! That morning she read along silently & listened to me do my final run thru & she said I had it word for word & she applauded! She literally clapped & smiled! Her face said she was impressed & proud! She asked, “you stayed up all night ma?” She was at the library performing while I was at my audition, we were texting each other encouragement!  I wanted to text her that I BOMBED, but I told her I was nervous, had to start over, but did it for the most part. But, my spirit got low & I felt defeated even though I did very well for learning the monologue in one day! I did not feel as confident as at home, because people who had gone to school for acting was also auditioning & the director herself was in there so the pressure was thick! My daughter text me after the audition, “Aw, I hope everything works out cuz U deserve it”! These kids got my eyes so full of tears! :) WHAT A BLESSING! THANK YOU LORD! She said, I forgot a line to my new piece I wrote, but I kept going & everyone was so supportive & encouraging saying she did great & her words were great & that there is no way they would have been able to keep going! She even got a card from one of the listeners who offered to help in any way or to be a mentor! We looked at each other & said “WE KEPT GOING”! GOD U ARE SO AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL! WE WENT SKATING WITH OUR BRAND NEW SKATES THAT I BOUGHT FOR LITTLE OR NOTHING THE DAY BEFORE! IT WAS A PERFECT DAY WITH HER! It was weird not driving her & being at the library to watch her perform an original piece, but she encouraged me to go to my call back & I felt torn, but it’s time to do some things for me now that they are older. My sacrifices of putting me on the back burner until they got older are paying off!

Well, I can't tell about 1 or 2 & not the others, lol! My youngest daughter has been cheering me on since I began pursuing my dream! She text me "YOU WERE CUT OUT FOR THIS MA, YOU'RE GOOD AT IT, ITS WHAT YOU DO ON A DAILY BASIS! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! JUST WANTED TO GIVE BACK TO U ALL THAT U GIVE TO ME, I LOVE YOU" I was bubbling over inside! WOW! **tears** She hugs me all the time & thanks me for believing in her & for loving her & for listening to her & for taking care of her…WOW, you never know how someone is watching everything you do & say & how you are affecting or impacting their lives! She plays basketball & I usually never miss a game, but since I have been pursuing my dreams, I have had to miss a few, I know she misses her #1 fan, but she supports me just like I support her! She says she understands & that its ok! TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!

My baby boy is not a baby anymore! He doesn't have a phone to text, yet, but he always hugs me at the most perfect times! I don't know if he needs it or if he knows that I need it, either way, God knows & HIS timing is perfect! Zeke prays for me out loud, all the time, about everything (just like I do for them) & I see his eyes & his face...he is so sincere & he truly expects & believes that God can & God will do just what he is asking, (just like me), gotta have that pure motive, childlike faith! I cherish all of these moments! We all talk individually & together & it’s never a dull moment! We laugh, we cry, we vent, we bicker, we share, we play, we love & we do it all TOGETHER! I like my quiet times, but I LOVE TOGETHER! Thank You Lord 4 my family! I love them all & I LOVE me some YOU! You have used Your Word & my family to validate me & to wrap your loving arms around me during this time where my mind wants my emotions to cave in & give up, but You have taught me that DEFEAT IS NOT AN OPTION! I WAS CUT OUT FOR THIS LIFE & ALL THAT IT MAY BRING! THANK YOU FOR REJECTION AS WELL AS ACCEPTANCE! THANK YOU FOR CLOSING DOORS AS WELL AS FOR OPENING WINDOWS & DOORS OF OPPORTUNITIES & ENOUGH BLESSINGS I WON’T EVEN HAVE ROOM TO RECEIVE! THANK YOU FOR RESTORING MY DREAMS & VISIONS AS WELL AS FOR PROVISIONS! THANK YOU FOR BUILDING MY CONFIDENCE, I BOAST IN YOU ABOUT YOUR GREATNESS! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE DIVINE CONNECTIONS AS WELL AS FOR ALL MY HATERS…KEEP HATING, YOU’RE ONLY SETTING ME UP FOR MORE BLESSINGS!!! THANK YOU LORD FOR TWO GREAT CHURCHES WHERE I GET A DOUBLE DIPPING DOSE OF YOU! MY FEELINGS ARE TEMPORAL & SUBJECT TO CHANGE SO I CAN NOT GO OFF OF WHAT I FEEL! I HAVE TO OPERATE IN WHAT I KNOW TO BE THE FACTS & THE FACT REMAINS TO BE THAT YOU LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY & YOUR PLANS FOR ME ARE GOOD & NOT EVIL! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LORD! ALL YOUR PROMISES ARE YES & AMEN! YOU’RE DA BOMBDIGITY!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD! YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD & TAUGHT ME HOW TO ENCOURAGE MYSELF IN YOU LORD! WOW! YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME!!! I’M GOING TO WORSHIP YOU COLLECTIVELY WITH MY BROTHERS & SISTERS IN CHRIST NOW! THEN I AM GOING TO EAT SUNDAY DINNER WITH MY MOM, SIBLINGS, NIECES & NEPHEWS & MY CHILDREN AT HEADQUARTERS, LIKE WE USED TO DO AT BIGMA & PAW PAW’S HOUSE! THOSE WERE THE DAYS! IT’S ALREADY LOOKING BETTER LORD! THANK YOU THAT I ALREADY FEEL BETTER!!! I AM EXPECTING EVEN GREATER THINGS TODAY! I’M EXPECTING MIRACLES THAT ONLY YOU CAN PERFORM! SEE LORD, YOU MAKE ME SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE CAUSE OF CHRIST!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING VERY MUCH ALIVE IN ME! I KNOW I COULD NEVER NOR WOULD I LIKE TO TRY TO MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU! YOU ARE MY ABSOLUTE EVERYTHING!!! THANK YOU!



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

his side...Her Side...LOVE'S SIDE!

I want a divorce! NO! I DON'T AGREE, WHAT ABOUT OUR FAMILY?
I can't do this anymore! CAN'T DO WHAT? US? ARE YOU SURE? 
I want a divorce! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME WITH ALL THIS RESPONSIBILITY! 
This doesn't feel right! WHAT? RIGHT? HOW YOU FIGURE GIVING UP WITHOUT A FIGHT?
I want a divorce, this is too much! DID YOU PRAY FIRST? IN GOD, LET'S AGREE & TOUCH!
Who are you to question me? I'm so tired of this, I'm done! DO YOU THINK FOR ME, THIS IS FUN?
I wish I never...YOU WISH YOU NEVER WHAT?...Well, I remember when...FINE! THAT MAKES TWO OF US THEN...

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!

I want a divorce...Under the same roof, but there's a stranger among us, who is this person? 
I want a divorce...There are no normal discussions, only silence or loud cursin'! 
I want a divorce...This is not healthy for the kids, you, me or the unborn baby...things have got to get better before someone snaps & maybe...
I want a divorce...where have you been? This has to stop, its a sin!


It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!

Prayers bombard Heaven, boldly to GOD'S Throne I went...praying, travailing, seeking wise counsel, hours before God I spent! 
I CAN NOT FAIL AS A WIFE, WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY? I SHOULD HAVE WAITED LIKE GOD SAID & AVOIDED THIS TRAVESTY!
INSTEAD, I DISOBEYED & ALLOWED LUST TO MAKE ME RUSH! I THOUGHT I DID THE RIGHT THING, BUT...Well, I'd better hush!

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!

An exchange of words that cut like a sword, heated arguing that rings loud in the forefront of my mind LONG AFTER THE FIGHT IS OVER! 
It keeps rewinding to play again & again...I NEED THEE GREAT JEHOVAH!!! 
Dangling from his leg trying to hold on to family, how silly I must have looked!
Surely he'd be back, because I KNOW I had him hooked!
Things had been different for months! All over him was residue from "her"!
He was here, but miles away, no more family days at church!


It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over! 

WE'RE HOME! Church was great, you really missed a treat!
No response, no sign of him, closet & drawers...EMPTY!
On the bed I sat, dazed, with my children in my arms...
SAYING, "GOD WILL TAKE GREAT CARE OF US & PROTECT US FROM ALL HARM"! 

Phone rings...Hello? Girl, guess who I saw & he wasn't alone... 
AFTER A DAY OR TWO, GUESS WHO'S ON MY PHONE?...How you doing?   
IS THAT A TRICK QUESTION? COME HOME!
I'm not coming back...YEAH, I GATHERED THAT!
I met someone else & its serious, we're in love...YOU WOULDN'T KNOW LOVE IF HE FELL ON YOU FROM ABOVE!

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!


COMPLETE SILENCE! IN MY MIND, I HEAR THE DOOR SLAM! 
SEVERAL YEARS PASSED, BUT IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS..."BAM"!
My marriage, GONE...like the wind beneath my wings...my husband, GONE...like the air that I breathe...my partner, GONE...the years of my life up in smoke...my friend, GONE...BURNING FLAMES FLOOD MY SOUL! 
I was disobedient to God, He said WAIT! I was tired of sinning & believed it was better to marry than to burn with passion, but MY PRESENT BURNED AS I SUFFERED CONSEQUENCES OF MY PAST & ONLY ASHES WERE SEEN WHERE MY LIFE USED TO BE...ITS HISTORY!

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!
I ACCEPTED THE PART I PLAYED IN THIS & I FORGAVE...FOR MY HEALTH!
I DID NOT FAIL, MY MARRIAGE DID & I CAN'T BE IN ONE BY MYSELF!
IT TAKES TWO, I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE VOWS, ITS A MINISTRY THAT BINDS,
THIS TIME I'LL BE PATIENT, BECAUSE GOD SAYS, "HE WHO FINDS"
A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING & OBTAINS FAVOR FROM GOD,
I'M CONTENT BEING SINGLE, SAVED & CELIBATE, ALTHOUGH IT MAY SOUND ODD!

I KEPT THE DOOR OPEN FOR YEARS & IT TOOK YEARS FOR ME TO CLOSE...
I WENT FROM BEING HURT, BEYOND HEALED & NOW I'M BEING MADE WHOLE!  

Thank You Daddy God! I love You always, always & always! I look forward to our rendevous & intimacy where you look into me and see who You have completed me to be! You court me with sunshine kisses & pretty flowers...You date me & Your love rests gently on my heart just like Your morning dew drops! Whomever You allow to find me, let him find me working diligently in Your vineyard Lord & at that point, all the fingerprints from others will be cleansed from my crystal glass & I will be ready! Until then, if that be Your will for my life my Lord, please allow me to learn how to date You, how to be treated by seeing how You treat me, how to be loved by You, how to respect myself & command respect from all those who cross my path! You have made me a hopeful romantic my Lord, I can not get enough of You! Your love is deep, hide me in Your love my Lord! Prepare thou me oh Lord, to be Your wife, be my husband! When I can be faithful to You, my Lord, then I shall be able to be faithful to the one You are preparing me for! In order to get to me, He will have to be so deep into Your love, my Lord, because that is where You have hidden me! I hear You assure me, my Lord, that IT'S NOT OVER...YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME...YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH ME...YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH ME...YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE ME...IT'S NOT OVER!!!

GLORY TO YOU IN THE HIGHEST, MY LORD! BE GLORIFIED IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE, MY LORD! IN JESUS' NAME I PRAY, THANK YOU DADDY GOD, AMEN!
~HALLELUJAH~ 

Lashonda Hurt, Healed, Whole!






SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Forgiveness...

Since when did it become so hard to say "I apologize"? What do you say we try for a "please forgive me"? Not always easy for me! I would tell myself, "self, don't let pride get in your way...pride goes before destruction"! Self didn't always listen though! I'm reminded of what it felt like to have Godly sorrow for something I had done...its not the self punishment where I'd condemn myself to death, but its the conviction of  The Sweet Holy Spirit that loves me into correction! It's that gentle tap on the shoulder reminding me that I can do better than that! What really seals the deal for me is when God blesses me despite my mess, it makes me want to do right all the more! If God can love me & bless me even in my wrong, how much more will He bless me when I purpose to do what is right in His sight? I love You Lord, so very much!

Thank You Lord for forgiving me & for helping me to forgive myself !



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Ouch! That Hurts!


Have you ever found yourself doing things that cause you pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or financial? If you answered yes then join the club! You're in the right place! You're officially HUMAN!


For some, you may throw yourself into things without thinking it through first! For others, you may totally over think everything and you wind up with nothing in the end! Are you indecisive? Just can't seem to make up your mind? Well, what happens when all of the above describes you perfectly? That used to be the case for me, until I got sick & tired of being sick & tired!


My Life was like a roller coaster ride, up, down & all around until I did some soul searching. I remember crying uncontrollably, feeling as though I was about to lose my mind... and that's when Jesus so lovingly tapped me on my shoulder & encouraged me to cast all of my cares upon Him, because He cares for me! It wasn't easy, but I began to hurl my concerns, my disappointments, my heartache, my failures, my heart's desires & my past upon Him! What a relief it was to unload everything! At least I thought it was everything, but it wasn't! I was relieved of the pressure for a moment, but unbeknownst to me, I didn't give my Lord all of it! I later realized that I kept some things in those secret places of my mind & heart!


So, my journey continues on... one step at a time!
SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Baby Steps...
Posted on October 25, 2010 at 10:01 AM Comments comments (0)

I'm still on my journey, taking one step at a time! I must tell you that some days the steps are so small that it seems I am barely even moving at all! How does one go from leaps & bounds to paralyzation? For me, when I feel I can barely move, that's when I know there is too much chatter in my mind! The seeds of fear sprouts negativity, which is used to shut me down! So, do I remain down? Nooooo! When the enemy talks, I TALK BACK! I say who God says I am! I speak positively, even if I don't feel it YET!

Its all about the process I'm going through, its NOT going to take me out! Its actually going to push me into being better! Sure, it hurts... it sucks, who wants to be mashed on all the time? However, I've learned to give thanks in everything & that helps me take baby steps FORWARD! So what's my point? I'm glad you asked! ;)

The bottom line is...I must KEEP IT MOVING!!!

SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Hello good people, its been a while! But, I'm back!

RE POST: We may not speak anymore but you still mean the world to me.

I read this post on Facebook & a lot of the comments people left & I see there are quite a few people who wish things were different! They long for a chance to be back in that person's good graces who they no longer talk to. I have been there myself! It has me thinking, got the creative juices stirring a bit! Gotta let it flow so others may know, the wisdom God imparts is coming from my heart... to yours, please receive it in love!

To everything there is a season. Whether it was a fight, a misunderstanding, a lie, cheating, backstabbing, an unhealthy relationship, a toxic friendship, you've just grown apart or death...the bottom line is that season in our life is over & that is painful! We can't undo whatever has been done or said, but we can learn from it & vow not to repeat it! There are many shoulda, coulda, woulda's in life, but yesterday is gone...what are we going to do with today? I have hurt others & I have been hurt by others. Both suck! I've learned that God can heal all wounded hearts & He can repair broken relationships between families & friends in His timing! FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT WE GIVE TO OURSELVES! ♥

Once we forgive, we can be made whole & enjoy life! I like to ask God why a person is in my path of living, is this person going to add to my life or take away from it? He will reveal it in one way or another! DON'T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS! ALLOW GOD TO GIVE YOU YOUR DIVINE CONNECTIONS! NOTHING HAPPENS BY CHANCE OR COINCIDENCE! Lonliness is a beast! I believe, deep down, we know when a person doesn't fit in our life, but for reasons of our own, we are holding on to them & hoping for the best! let's let the motives! If someone does not fit in your life...not supportive or understanding of your destiny, then why are they a part of your life? With their lips they say what they can to try to be a team player, but their actions show you something totally different! You can't force a person to understand your destiny or to fit into your life any more than you can force them to change! It's inevitable, eventually you'll either damage or be damaged; you'll either join forces or bump heads; you'll either be helped or hindered! Sometimes, they don't mean to harm you, its just that they honestly can not fathom what God is doing in your life! Especially if they are used to a common & mediocre life where everybody is doing the same old thing! Some will grow from your exposure to the light, but unfortunately, some will not! Their minds won't allow them to. That's a good to say, "its best to just part for the sake of peace"! There's nothing like peace of mind! Reassure them that its not that you think you are better than anyone else, its just that you chose to live for God who has destined you for greatness! There is nothing wrong with you wanting to live your best life for God! Please don't settle for less than God's best for your life! When we do that, we block all the avenues for those who are really supposed to be in our circle of trust! Clear the way for them!

ITS GREAT TO BE FREE, FREE TO BE ME!!!

SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!