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Thursday, November 1, 2012

A Look Inside...

Hello World! It's been a while since my last entry...I've been a busy little bee, but I'm taking the last quarter of this year to delve into myself! Not in a manner of being selfish, rather just taking time to get myself together. There are many distractions all around & I allowed one in & got consumed by it! Social Media! I noticed I was using it for ministry, as an outlet, but more shocking I recently discovered that I was hiding behind it! I'm a pretty transparent person to all of the world, but when it came to being transparent to myself I closed my eyes! Until October 1, 2012...that's when I opened my eyes & faced me! Now one month later I can honestly say that I saw a few things in myself that were not pretty nor pleasant. I asked God to gut me out & show me ME, but I don't think I was prepared to see all that I am seeing, but I'm glad I can see it, acknowledge it & work on growing thru my transition in the most positive way possible. I can honestly say that I've experienced denial, admittance, acceptance, anger, tears & smiles in the last month. I currently feel like I'm in therapy-I journal daily & there is healing in just being real! If we can't be real with ourselves then we can't be real with anyone! Honesty really is the best policy! The 1st week of not posting anything, it was a bit scary. I was so used to grabbing my laptop or cell phone to post my every thought. Although I felt led to share a lot & many would comment on how encouraged they were after reading what I'd shared, I still needed a break. We can pour out into others until we're depleted! But, just like a bank, if you never make any deposits, you'll never be able to make a withdrawal! I was on E for empty! All that is dandy, I was totally willing - my intentions were good & my motives were pure, but even though I was transparent & honest, I was still hiding behind it, I think. Whenever we write or say something, there's always something we choose to leave out. Maybe even subconsciously! Since I've not posted anything, I could immediately tell the difference! My mind clutter was quieted! I felt anxiety because I felt I was letting my readers down, but I felt an overwhelming sense of peace within myself as well. The best examination is a self examination & I shall continue my self exam! I highly recommend it to everyone! Although it may be scary, it's the best gift I could've given myself at this time in my life! It's not just for me, it's for all those in my circle & for all those whom I'll meet in the future! I really feel like I'm discovering my best self! Breathing deeply & smiling... Take care & be well. May God continue to bless you all richly! :) SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

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