Times of Covenant

Sleeping? Dreaming? What's the deal? What happened to society? Could this be real? She remembers being loved & cared for. Some would say a spoiled rotten little girl. From that time to this one, something happened to her world. Growing, experimenting, practicing her dos & don'ts. Easily meeting people who tested her wills & her won'ts. Able to roam freely, no permission needed. Circumstances has her wishing those dos & don'ts she'd heeded. Trouble brewing, danger & heartache ahead. If only she had remembered to be spirit led. Thinking with her flesh instead of her heart has caused her many problems, where should I even start? One minute she had tons of associates & even more friends. All the sudden that came to an end. Confused about what was taking place she fell to her knees in prayer. Dear God, why are You doing this, don't You even care? How can I go from being the life of the party, happy & care free. To having no one & being lonely? One day, she looked around & all those people were gone. She went to all her old hangouts, but the crowd was all wrong! Times were different. She tried to adapt, but everyone looked at her strange. She felt like an outsider looking in. Clothes were different, even the music changed. She searched for love in all the wrong places & all the wrong faces & found lust instead. Life as she knew it just wasn't the same. Every night she woke up in a different bed. Empty, weak & warn she cried out to God again. He received her with open arms & forgave her of all her sins. He covered her & protected her from all past hurt & harm. He restored her broken pieces & held her in His arms. He was her shield from all that was old. He replaced her tarnished silver with the shiniest gold. He made her His bride, times of old became new. He became her Husband once she said I DO! 14 MAR 2013 1946HRS END. SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Inside Out

What's inside of us will eventually work it's way out in some shape, form or fashion. Not everyone with a nasty attitude desires to be that way. The same rings true for persons with a beautiful smile & lovely spirit, most likely they weren't always that way. What is your personality? What is said about you amongst your peers? What do you think of you? I asked these questions of myself & I waited a while to answer. I concluded that I have a contagious smile, an effervescent personality, always encouraging & complimenting others, but I also know that there were times when I just didn't want to be bothered. I found myself getting easily agitated, impatient with others & I was being annoyingly critical of everyone & everything, especially of myself! How did I get so selfish & spoiled? I did not like the latter characteristics about myself so I took time out to delve in & do some soul searching. Boy, am I glad I did! How did I begin? Glad you asked! I went to God in prayer & I talked to Him just as I am typing to you now. Here's an inside look of what transpired between He & I: "Hi Daddy, it's me again. Daddy, I thank You for creating me & being meticulous when doing so! You do all things well & You don't make no junk! So, Daddy, that's why I come to you as humble as I know how to admit that some where down the line I allowed some junk inside of my thoughts, my lifestyle, my home & it has manifested some ugly parts of me that I know You do not approve of. Show me inside of me Daddy...what are people seeing? Am I a reflection of You? I want to take after You Daddy! I want to favor You when people look at me! In order for this to happen, I need You to perform that surgery that only You can do...You know, the kind that doesn't leave scars & side affects! I need Your help to be the best me that You created me to be Daddy! So, I surrender all of my desires to You & ask that You would please let them line up with Your perfect will for this life You've blessed me with! I only want YOU! Having YOU means I have EVERYTHING! Let me be content in whatever state I am in at any given moment Daddy! I want to help others get to YOU! Help me to share You Daddy! I want to be used by You...I yield my hands, my feet, my eyes, my ears, my mind, my heart & my soul to YOU to do with what You will! Use me Daddy, I want to make You proud! I want to please YOU more than my fleshly desires! Many are in need of You & all that You have to offer! Please help me to be a usable vessel...make me over Lord! Make me brand spankin' new so that my life will glorify YOU! In Your precious name I ask Jesus, Thank You Daddy~Amen." Our Father so lovingly heard me & He did not hesitate to answer me! Everything that could go wrong, did! But He used it all to perfect those things concerning me that I went to Him about! When we ask for help, He allows things to happen that will let us practice until it becomes second nature! I believe it's a life long process! As long as we are on this Earth, we are on The Potter's Wheel...we are His clay! I desire to be molded by The Master Craftsman! He makes all things NEW! I can honestly say that I love to love! I am in love even with the idea of being in love! I want to give, hug, share, smile, encourage, assist, and the characteristic I love most...the best change of all is HE is using Holy Spirit to the fullest concerning wisdom & me letting her have her perfect work in me! I still get those annoying critical thoughts, but glory be to God, wisdom makes me keep my mouth shut! That's huge for me! It's a miracle!!! I can see the change! I can feel the change! I'm not perfected in it, yet, but I see progress & I find myself driving & not yelling at cars! I smile & let people in now! Road rage was one of my biggest problems! I've learned that even though the feelings will arise & I may be tempted to act on them, I don't have to! The sun still rises when I hold my tongue! Can you imagine how FREE I feel? It is amazing! Smiling right now, because of what my Daddy done did for me! And yes, I said 'done did'! :) I hope this inside look of ugly has inspired you to talk to Daddy about everything concerning you. He really does care & He is THE ONLY ONE who can lead us in the right direction to for change! God bless you & yours! Keep praying, He's listening, ready to answer! Love you! SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! "2013"

Hello beautiful people! How is everyone? I pray this entry finds you all in good health & uplifted spirits! WOW! It is a brand spankin' new year! I'm so excited about moving forward! Last I reached out to you all, I was shutting it down to have some much needed "me" time! I did lots of soul searching & guess what? SOME OF THE UGLIEST STUFF CAME UP & OUT DURING THIS TIME! I laugh, but I am so serious! I found out quite a bit about myself! People/things I like, people/things I dislike, People/things I love & people/things I...well, I try not to hate anyone but the devil! Real talk! I'm just checking in & smiling & taking some deep breaths! Stretching my hands toward the heavens, singing & living life to the full! GOD IS SO GOOD! I've been dealing with "me" & I like the progress that is being made! I dislike the downfalls, but they seem to be necessary in order for me to triumph! Weird huh? Well, I'm happy to say that I am back on the right track! I was warped for a minute, but my heart is clear & my mind is made up...NOTHING & NO ONE SHALL STOP ME FROM WALKING IN LOVE...that is to say walking in God! GOD IS LOVE! \0/ I almost made the worst mistake of my life & I am so grateful to God for giving me options! He gives us freedom to choose! For a very short while, I was convinced that I wanted to choose the wrong thing, BUT GOD's love & constant support allowed me to see the error of my ways! I remembered the damage caused before when I took matters into my own hands & I DID NOT want a repeat of that! I read in my Psych course material that it takes 7 days to form a bad habit & 21 days to break that bad habit! Let's just say I'm working on day 43! I ain't taking no chances!!! You feel me? Lol Whom The Son sets FREE is FREE INDEED! I CHOOSE TO STAY FREE! I AM WALKING IN MY FREEDOM! I AM LIVING IN MY FREEDOM! \0/ NOTHING & NO ONE IS WORTH MY FREEDOM! GOD PAID, JESUS PAID & EVEN I HAVE PAID A HIGH PRICE FOR MY FREEDOM! I think about my love for God & God's love for me & my love for myself that has grown tremendously & I shake my head & say NO WAY! IT AIN'T WORTH IT! Even when it comes to tempt me, I do not entertain it! I'M DONE! I'M FREE! FREE FROM ME!!!!!!! \0/ Anyone who has ever been addicted to anything or anyone will be able to understand & appreciate this piece! God bless & keep you all! *Smile! God STILL loves you!* SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

A Look Inside...

Hello World! It's been a while since my last entry...I've been a busy little bee, but I'm taking the last quarter of this year to delve into myself! Not in a manner of being selfish, rather just taking time to get myself together. There are many distractions all around & I allowed one in & got consumed by it! Social Media! I noticed I was using it for ministry, as an outlet, but more shocking I recently discovered that I was hiding behind it! I'm a pretty transparent person to all of the world, but when it came to being transparent to myself I closed my eyes! Until October 1, 2012...that's when I opened my eyes & faced me! Now one month later I can honestly say that I saw a few things in myself that were not pretty nor pleasant. I asked God to gut me out & show me ME, but I don't think I was prepared to see all that I am seeing, but I'm glad I can see it, acknowledge it & work on growing thru my transition in the most positive way possible. I can honestly say that I've experienced denial, admittance, acceptance, anger, tears & smiles in the last month. I currently feel like I'm in therapy-I journal daily & there is healing in just being real! If we can't be real with ourselves then we can't be real with anyone! Honesty really is the best policy! The 1st week of not posting anything, it was a bit scary. I was so used to grabbing my laptop or cell phone to post my every thought. Although I felt led to share a lot & many would comment on how encouraged they were after reading what I'd shared, I still needed a break. We can pour out into others until we're depleted! But, just like a bank, if you never make any deposits, you'll never be able to make a withdrawal! I was on E for empty! All that is dandy, I was totally willing - my intentions were good & my motives were pure, but even though I was transparent & honest, I was still hiding behind it, I think. Whenever we write or say something, there's always something we choose to leave out. Maybe even subconsciously! Since I've not posted anything, I could immediately tell the difference! My mind clutter was quieted! I felt anxiety because I felt I was letting my readers down, but I felt an overwhelming sense of peace within myself as well. The best examination is a self examination & I shall continue my self exam! I highly recommend it to everyone! Although it may be scary, it's the best gift I could've given myself at this time in my life! It's not just for me, it's for all those in my circle & for all those whom I'll meet in the future! I really feel like I'm discovering my best self! Breathing deeply & smiling... Take care & be well. May God continue to bless you all richly! :) SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

OVERWHELMED???

Stress can kill anyone! It affects everyone! Babies, youth, young adults, adults, EVERYONE, every class, every location, every nationality!
Ignoring or hiding from the problem won't help, I know because I've tried! Outside distractions don't make it go away either...when I get behind on things laughing, vacationing & playing is only temporary & my problems are still there! BREAKS ARE IMPORTANT, but for me, I'd enjoy it much better knowing that I'm working to resolve the issues at hand rather than feeling like I'm running from them!
I notice how stress & tension knots dissolve once I take care of MY business! But even knowing HOW to get to that point is a challenge at times! But, I'VE GOTTA FACE IT! I MUST DEAL WITH IT & truth be told, some things I get myself into by being lazy or trifling~I don't believe in saving face~ & other things God allows to happen for His purposes & my greater good. Either way, I call them all teachable moments! God is so Faithful, so Sovereign & I'm grateful that even though I deserve to suffer from my consequences, He grants me grace & mercy & helps me endure those consequences that I've brought on myself! I don't know any person who would do that...we as a people would be so quick to say "uh huh, that's what you get~serves you right!" Well, let me just talk about me, I'm not proud of it, but in the past I've said that before! Hmph! How many know we reap just what we sow?

So, what can one do to rid their lives of this stress? Glad you asked! Some people turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, excessive people, shopping, hoarding things & some become mean, a workaholic, a recluse, or even a work out animal, others just rebel & shut down...it can be quite depressing! You're not in this alone! I don't judge how anyone chooses to deal with their stress, but here's what I do now:

1) I pray & ask God to help me in each area, no matter how small or huge it seems, I still need help knowing how to maneuver effectively! Whether its making calls, arrangements, payments, scheduling appointments. Whatever the case may be, I ask for His guidance & take a whole bunch of deep breaths...slowly in thru the nose & blow it out slowly thru the mouth!

2) I journal...A LOT! (write the vision & make it plain) Helps to actually see what I'm dealing with & PRIORITIZE things because I don't want to bite off more than I can chew & get even more overwhelmed! (kinda defeats the purpose) I HANDLE 1 THING AT A TIME! Also, sometimes I keep quiet to meditate & other times I confide in a confidant, getting it out does wonders for me!

3) I do what Holy Spirit leads me to do! God hears & He answers! I'm being led, shown, helped & next thing you know that big ol' huge problem is not so intimidating anymore! Works for me!!!

This is NOT something I read, I'M LIVING IT!!! THANK YOU LORD FOR ALWAYS HELPING ME...EVEN WHEN I SCREW UP BIG TIME, YOU FORGIVE ME & HELP ME FORGIVE MYSELF!!! I WOULD NEVER MAKE IT WITHOUT YOUR HELP!!!



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

I'M WORTH THE WAIT & SO ARE YOU!

I AM WORTH THE WAIT & SO ARE YOU! What about Starting over? SAVED, SINGLE & CELIBATE AFTER DIVORCE! ABSTINENCE IS NOT JUST FOR TEENS YA KNOW! 

Take me for instance: I had a license to drive (marriage certificate), but then my license got revoked (husband left then divorced me). My car still wants to 'drive'! But, I can't lawfully drive without license, registration & insurance! If not, I may have to pay dearly in fines, have an accident & be hurt or killed, plus, I NEED GAS!!! 'GAS' will cost ya big! DRIVING IS EXPENSIVE! IT'S BETTER TO GET YOUR LICENSE, REGISTRATION, INSURANCE & YOUR OWN SET OF KEYS TO DRIVE YOUR OWN CAR! Hope you are able to follow my analogy! 


Maybe you’ve already given your virginity away and it’s impossible for you to be a virgin on your wedding night. Don’t trip… there’s hope for you, too. Just because you’ve done it before doesn’t mean you have to keep on doing it! Divorce that soul & emotional tie!
Starting over is the best choice for your life now. Starting over means that you've decided to stop having sex. That doesn’t mean forever; you’ll get your chance. But wait until it’s right, until it’s safe, until you're MARRIED. That's the best guilt free sex there is!!!

Think about it:
Wouldn’t it be wonderful not to have to worry about pregnancy, disease, or heartbreak from being used? Spiritual soul ties & being cursed? And think about all the fun you can have when you’re not worried. You’re free to see people without all the confusion that sex adds to a relationship. Holiness is attractive! Your anointing makes you special! Your self-respect and confidence will be attractive to the kind of person you really want to be with … not just someone who wants your “parts.”

Think about it: Starting over. The healthiest lifestyle you can choose. YES, THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!
 
Want to talk about it?
Inbox me. Email me. We can help each other!

Remember:

• YOU ARE… smart and capable of making great choices. Don’t believe anyone who says you can’t exercise self-control over your own body. YOU CAN CONTROL YOURSELF!
• YOU ARE… special and valuable for lots of reasons. Don’t fall for the line that says you’re only worth something if you have sex. Grown folk pull this just as much as youth!
• YOU ARE… worthy of respect. Don’t give in to the idea that just because you’ve done it before, you have to keep doing it. YOU DON'T!
• YOU ARE… Worth the Wait! IT'S GREAT TO WAIT! TRUE LOVE MAKES YOU WANT TO WAIT!

Note: Some people may try to convince you that “Everyone’s doing it.” Don’t fall for that line of crap. Plenty of teens are saying “YES!” to abstinence & SO ARE ADULTS! “Yes!” to a life free from worry. “Yes!” to healthier relationships. “Yes!” to a brighter future. SAY "YES" TO GOD!!!

Step on up and take the abstinence challenge!
Whether you are still a virgin or not. Nobody ever died from not having sex, so you have nothing to lose!

Figure out why. Maybe you don’t want to deal with a pregnancy. Maybe you don’t want a disease. Or maybe you don’t want to set yourself up for emotional pain. Maybe you just want God to be pleased even with your sexuality! Write it down! Keep a journal, it helps!

Don’t fall for the lines. Only losers use ’em, and they are NOT thinking about YOUR needs.

Tell your partner. If you’ve been sexually active, tell your partner that you’ve changed your mind, and want to wait. If your boy/girlfriend won’t agree, kick ’em to the curb! You don’t need to be held hostage to someone else’s selfishness. If you’re currently abstinent, make sure all your dates know ahead of time that you’re committed to waiting.

Find somebody to watch your back. You don’t have to tell everyone you know, but find at least one other person who will support your decision to wait. I use social media sites to hold me accountable! And 2 of my bestest friends in the whole wide world!

Avoid risky situations. Know yourself and what might cause you problems. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF! Know your triggers! Avoid the situation and you’ll avoid blowing it!

Keep your body clean. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Any decision you make now is out the window when you're loaded.

Keep your mind clean. Ditch the pornography. Call your internet provider & tell them to block it, that way even when you're tempted, you won't be able to indulge! Porn keeps you way too hyped on sex, and it’s demeaning to us all.

Make a plan! While you’re still dressed and thinking clearly, figure out how to get through each situation without having sex. Give yourself permission to have fun without sexual involvement. IT CAN BE DONE!!!

I RESPECT ME ENOUGH TO WAIT, WHICH COMMANDS RESPECT FROM OTHERS! IT'S MY CHOICE & I CHOOSE TO BEGIN AGAIN & ALLOW GOD TO TEACH ME HOW TO STAY KEPT BY HIM! :-) GOD EVEN TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE A MAN WITHOUT USING MY BODY! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE, UNTIL NOW! IT'S A PROCESS...MY JOURNEY SHALL BE SUCCESSFUL!!! I PRAY THE SAME FOR YOU!!! :-)

Scripture References:
 1 Corinthians 6:16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

"I don't know what to do with these feelings", "my hormones are out of control", "U JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING!" Change your surroundings, get up & do something so your mind is not idle, the enemy can have a field day with an idle mind! We choose what we want to think about! We can not say 'the devil made me do it!' WE KNOW WHEN WE ARE ON SOMETHING!!! I know I do!!! But Wait, there is hope! TRAIN YOUR BRAIN!!! THINK ON WHAT IS PURE!

1 Corinthians 10:13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

1Cor. 7: 1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2-6Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

Any of these sound familiar? "Oh, but I love him & we just wanna express our love by taking it to a higher level!", "If she truly loves me & she'll want to give me all of her", "we'll be together forever so why wait, we can make it official now, who needs a piece of paper & rings?", "This is all I know, been doing it since I was young, this is how we supposed to show love!"...WHAT CAN MAKE A MAN HONOR THE LADY HE LOVES? WHAT CAN MAKE YOU DO RIGHT WHEN YOU WANT TO DO WRONG? LOVE

1Cor. 13 Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.   Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS...DO NOT MARRY JUST TO HAVE SEX! CONTROL YOUR FLESH FIRST OR YOU'LL FIND THAT SPIRIT OF LUST PERVERTING OTHER AREAS OF YOUR LIFE! I AM NOT TELLING YOU SOMETHING I READ, I'M TELLING YOU WHAT I HAVE LIVED!!! WE OVERCAME THE ENEMY BY THE BLOOD THE LAMB & THE WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY! LORD HELP US ALL TODAY PLEASE JESUS!

LADIES, WHEN YOU'RE DATING...KNOW HOW TO POSITION YOURSELF & ALLOW HIM TO BE A GENTLEMAN. ACCEPT NOTHING LESS! IF HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TREAT A LADY, TEACH HIM HOW TO TREAT YOU! DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN GOD'S BEST FOR YOU! IF YOU ARE EVER IN DOUBT ABOUT WHAT YOU SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT DO, FIND A SCRIPTURE TO JUSTIFY IT BEFORE YOU DO IT! MY PASTOR, JOHN HANNAH, TEACHES US THAT WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS 1ST, THEN FELLOWSHIP SPIRITUALLY, THEN YOU CAN PURSUE RELATIONSHIP! IT IS WISE GODLY COUNSEL, I PRAY YOU TAKE HEED & SAVE YOURSELF SOME TIME & HEARTACHE!!! WAIT ON THE LORD, BE OF GOOD COURAGE! DON'T RUSH GOD, HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US BELOVEDS! :-)

May God Bless You all!


SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

I apologize!

What have I done? Look at the mess I've made. I almost just forfeited the game! I can not possibly lose now. I've come too far!
Denial is dangerous!
If I admit what I feel to the whole wide world, without admitting it to myself first, it's still denial!
How many times do I need to pray & get confirmation after confirmation? What else needs to happen to make me see?
It's just a little bit of fear mixed with a lot of imagination! Stop looking at people for what you want them to be & accept them for who they are!
Pray with them, believe God on their behalf, encourage them, shower them with unconditional love!
Give back to them what they've poured all over you!
I was blind by my own over thinking before! But now I see clearly! God I surrender my all to You! Have Your way with me!
I apologize! Please forgive me! I can see now! Man, that was a close call! I almost ruined a great plan. Getting out of God's way now! He already knows & I am so glad that He does!
I apologize!


SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

PUTTING MYSELF ON BLAST (Again)!

(Hi everyone! I'm putting myself on blast, because I am led to testify as well as expose the enemy! I have seen it in my life many times, when I am transparent, I get more & more FREE! The enemy can not hold it over my head anymore! Let me tell you about some of it!
I've had a lot happen since my last post! I am doing a self examination & you wouldn't believe the stuff I've found out! I have NOT been living up to my full potential! I'm not where I used to be, but I'm not where I ought to be either! GOD WANTS TO WARP SPEED ME WHERE I SHOULD BE IF I QUIT WILLFULLY FALLING!!! I don't want to just go thru the motions anymore! I know I'm destined for greatness for God's glory! People need to see God's miracles, signs & wonders in today's times! God has helped me tremendously! I just want to live a life pleasing to Him at all times! I want Him to be glorified in every area of my life! I won't be perfect here on Earth, but I will strive for perfection til the day of Jesus Christ! How about you? God is teaching me how to live a healthy, Christian, balanced life!

You know what fam, during my soul searching, God pricked my heart about lust, when we ignore lust it will pervert itself & manifest in many ways! You'll find yourself a slave to it doing things you said you'd never do! Ask me how I know!!! (shaking my head at myself) I thought I was celibate, but I later learned that I was not "fully" celibate! So I took what I learned & started ALL OVER...I got rid of a few 'things' & prayed to God for help! I struggled! I don't have cable, but had to call my cell phone company & internet service provider to block certain abilities so I would not fall for the okedoke & 1 of my sisters who I confided in & who had been there, done that & she suggested some things. So, I wash my hands in cold water & anointed them with oil & STRETCHED MY HANDS IN SURRENDER TO GOD & I CRIED OUT TO GOD DECREEING & DECLARING THAT MY HANDS ARE MADE TO WORSHIP YOU LORD OF MY LIFE! I knew I still needed accountability, so I let Facebook & Twitter help me, since I was on it everyday anyway! My goals were realistic, doable, I learned in psych class that it takes 7 days to form a habit, but 21 days to break a habit! I set out to do 21 days of posting! I did not entertain men during this time & temptations were getting stronger! Really great, handsome men were coming out of the woodwork! But, know the enemy comes to kill, steal & destroy...he was trying to distract me & tempt me to self medicate, if you will. But, I pressed forward! (no pun intended-lol) I DID NOT WANT TO FAIL GOD NOR MYSELF! I DID NOT WANT MY SECRET WILLFUL SINS TO CRUCIFY MY JESUS AGAIN & AGAIN! I'd rather expose the enemy & be free from my own lusts! So, everyday I posted, Day 1-35...I could not stop after 21, it felt good (I owed God extra days) & each day, I typed how I was feeling-good, bad & the ugly, but always ended with something positive & to God be all the glory, I was able to do that in 140 characters or less via Twitter! IT WAS A MIRACLE! LOL...didn't know I could get my point across in so few words!!! LOL ~God showed me that I am stronger than I think & I CAN resist the enemy & he MUST flee whenever I do resist! I'm so Grateful!!!

I even began physical therapy for a knee injury, but the workouts has really help me not to be sedentary...we were not designed to just lie down & let life pass us by! I knew my body was deficient certain nutrients & vitamins so I went back to my Energizer shakes & plenty of water everyday...MY BODY THANKED ME! I felt so much more balanced & my energy shot thru the roof! So what the enemy meant for bad, God worked out for my good! So, to you I say, GET UP! GET OUT! MOVE AROUND! DANCE! DO SOMETHING!!! ;-)


I also noticed that my hobbies were seeming to be more than just something I enjoy doing...I am passionate about sharing Christ with others, I'm an official 100% bonafide (((HUGGER))), writing, singing, dancing, acting, modeling & photography & I always photo journal! A former co-worker gave me a Nikon D70 shell & said I could take it to the shop & buy a lens. He said he noticed how I always capture nature & certain moments with my cell phone camera. I let that camera sit for 2 years on my top shelf where I could see it everyday. I was so cluttered in my mind that I could not even see the blessing in that! GOD IS SO GOOD TO LET ME SEE MORE CLEARLY NOW! I am in prayer asking God what He'd like me to do with all of what I call gifts & talents He's blessed me with! I want Him to be glorified in these as well! So, I called a few schools, went to the library & got all types of digital photography books  & when I was not studying God's Word, I studied to hone my skills from the gifts God gave me. I sat & talked with a professional photographer for hours & learned about his equipment & asked if I could shadow him sometime & he said yes! He poured some golden nuggets into me, I pray God bless him for that!



My process had begun & then God allowed me to have many encounters with Him! I was hoarding "stuff" from my past...suppressed "stuff" as well as actual things cluttering my home, causing my mind to be cluttered. I BEGAN A JOURNEY OF GETTING RID OF THE OLD, TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW...in every area of my life! Note to self: CLEAN UP! DON'T PROCRASTINATE LASHONDA, YOU'RE HOLDING YOUR OWN SELF BACK! STOP BEING LAZY! BE AN EXAMPLE FOR YOUR KIDS! DO NOT SAVE FACE! HUGE BREAKTHROUGHS ARE ON THE OTHERSIDE OF YOU GETTING YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER! PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME! STOP BEING RAGGEDY! SHOW GOD HE CAN TRUST YOU! I thank God for the ministry I am connected to! I get the unadulterated Word of God in all TRUTH! I get constant confirmations there! So its hard to slack off, especially when i was convicted, not condemned, but convicted to not just lean on the microwave verses on all the social network sites & my cell phone...I mean, its gr8 to get it in daily, but I know how to study His Word to show myself approved, a workman that need not be ashamed & I SO MISSED THE TURNING OF THE THIN, CRISP PAGES & HIGHLIGHTING & UNDERLINING & USING MANY VERSIONS OF THE BIBLE TO GET EVEN BETTER UNDERSTANDING! I LOVE GOD FOR REMINDING ME OF THIS THRU MY PASTOR!
You all get to hold me accountable! I must check in periodically, giving an update of how I am doing! I even created a YouTube video about it, you should subscribe here as well as the video! When I began cleaning my bedroom that I had not slept in comfortably since my divorce, God confirmed that this thing was spiritual, not natural & with constant appearances of the numbers 1234, God was telling me to get it in ORDER! So I prayed, anointed my hands & bedroom with blessed oil & I began! I sat & looked at things, cried, released & donated some things to a worthy organization & I'm still not done, but thank God I started!!! Guess what, God even allowed me to be able to afford our women's church retreat & God confirmed EVERYTHING that I was doing already plus revealed Himself to me in a new way, just like I needed Him to do! I've been on this Christian journey 30 years & I won't turn back, however, I never want to get stale & redundant...just existing without plan or purpose! I begged Him to let me see Him in a new way! HE IS SO FAITHFUL & EVERYTHING WE NEED!!!
Begin your own journey today & give me feedback on how you're coming along...that would encourage me! We will not let life's busy work or laziness nor spiritual ruts keep us from moving forward & getting all that God has for us to get! I DECREE & DECLARE THAT WE SHALL BE HEALED~WHOLE~DELIVERED & FREE IN EVERY AREA OF OUR LIVES...SPIRITUALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY & FINANCIALLY!!! In Jesus' Precious Name, thank God~Amen! And IT IS SO!!! :-)
Thank you for your time.


Until next time...
Kingdom Blessings to you & yours :-)



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

I'm Content!

I'm done making a mess of men, tired of getting to know new ones all over again.
Every time I befriend a guy, I wind up asking myself "why?"
I know I'm not perfect to say the least, but can't men & women start with friends only?


Either he falls head over heels like books jumpin' off a shelf OR he can't keep his hands to himself.
I finally learned what ever state I'm in, there with to be content. I prayed asking God what true love is & He led me to the 13 ch. of 1st Corinthians!

I'm willing to go through my process, in You is where my heart can rest.
Besides, my heart can't take much more, of wrong men knocking at it's door.
Guarding my heart as well as my mind, I'm not even looking~it's He who finds!

Now all of my time at church I can give, get out the house~laugh, love & live.
Being happy & enjoying life, so when my King comes he'll recognize his wife.
Processed, without my past hurting me, I'm Healed~Whole~Delivered & FREE! 

Shield & cover me Oh God, let my heart in You abide.
I will keep it hidden in Thee so my beloved must seek YOU to find me.
Help me to never settle for less, I only want~4 me~God's best!

\0/ Thank You Jesus! \0/


SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

I APOLOGIZE!

Lord, You have taught me right from wrong, but my temptations sometimes are oh so strong!
I don't want to sin against Thee, please don't take Your Holy Spirit from me!
When I rise & when I sleep, it is You on my mind as I smile & as I weep!
I love You with my whole heart, You've been there right from the start!

I apologize for my sins, please forgive me again & again!
You convict & not condemn, You're nothing like all of them!
Please help me to forgive myself so I can be in good spiritual health!
I receive Your Mercy & Your Grace, YOU ALWAYS PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE! :)

Thank You Lord! I'd be a hot mess without you! You make me look good as I represent You!  I love You with my entire being!!!



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

I Taught You How...

Now that I think about it I can't be mad at you,
because I'm the one who taught you how to do me the way you do!

I look back on those days when I slacked off & dropped my guard,
I taught you how to do the same which for you wasn't very hard!

It was me who taught you how to keep messing over me in this jungle safari,
since I always let you back in time & time again after your millionth "I'm sorry"!

If I want God to forgive me, then I MUST forgive you,
but I don't want you to get off that easy & that's the honest to God's truth!

Between your hurtful past, troubled present & blank future, so much is hurting you, 
All I ever tried to do is help, but seem like you want me to hurt too!

I won't let you drag me down, Grace & Mercy is applied,
I lay you at the feet of Jesus, for reasons like this He Died!

Lord knows I know life & death are in the power of our words,
But, things that you have said to me are words I've NEVER heard!

Maybe I'm reaping what I've sown from past verbal fights,
consequences don't go unpaid once they are exposed by God's Light!

If I knew I had inner demons to conquer, I would NOT purposely involve myself with you,
I'd rather walk away, get the help I need & try again once I'm improved & new!

I owe you nothing, stop acting as if my love for God excuses you from all,
Do you have any idea how the impact your negativity has made  me fall?

But, I taught you how to treat me by accepting mediocre behavior,
when the God I serve says strive for perfection until the day of my risen Savior!

I taught you how to treat me without commanding the respect I'm due,
I used words only, but now my actions say "I'M THROUGH"!

I forgive you because I have to & I forgive myself too,
But, I pray YOU never forget, don't get it twisted, yeah, I said YOU!

I taught you how to treat me, now I'm putting you back in school,
Don't think this will come easy, RESPECT & LOVE are my #1 rules!

Get yourself together first, then bring it to the table,
Everything will work out for my good, I KNOW my God is able!

I taught you how to treat me, but I'm unlike any other girl...
God, helped me collect my pieces from all around this world!





SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

VALIDATION

 

My oldest son bought a cell w/his b-day money & he is with his dad this weekend. He text me, while I was driving from far away coming from a call back audition that lasted 10 minutes, if that! I was not feeling all that great about my performance & his text said "Hi just wanted to say I love you!" Little did he know I was feeling mighty low cuz I believe I cud have done better, I thanked him & told him that it was perfect timing & felt like a (BIG HUG)! He asked what was wrong & I told him, he said, "GOD DIDN"T BRING U THIS FAR 2 LEAVE U!" *tears* sniff, sniff THANK U GOD 4 COMPASSIONATE, THOUGHTFUL & LOVING CHILDREN! I LOVE U!

All the years of love, support, compassion & giving my children all of me is paying off in more ways than one! It’s like I'm reaping what I've sown! My oldest daughter kept me focused the night b4 auditions...she bid me God Speed & prayed 4 my attention span 2 last long & 4 me not 2 be sleepy or distracted! That morning she read along silently & listened to me do my final run thru & she said I had it word for word & she applauded! She literally clapped & smiled! Her face said she was impressed & proud! She asked, “you stayed up all night ma?” She was at the library performing while I was at my audition, we were texting each other encouragement!  I wanted to text her that I BOMBED, but I told her I was nervous, had to start over, but did it for the most part. But, my spirit got low & I felt defeated even though I did very well for learning the monologue in one day! I did not feel as confident as at home, because people who had gone to school for acting was also auditioning & the director herself was in there so the pressure was thick! My daughter text me after the audition, “Aw, I hope everything works out cuz U deserve it”! These kids got my eyes so full of tears! :) WHAT A BLESSING! THANK YOU LORD! She said, I forgot a line to my new piece I wrote, but I kept going & everyone was so supportive & encouraging saying she did great & her words were great & that there is no way they would have been able to keep going! She even got a card from one of the listeners who offered to help in any way or to be a mentor! We looked at each other & said “WE KEPT GOING”! GOD U ARE SO AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL! WE WENT SKATING WITH OUR BRAND NEW SKATES THAT I BOUGHT FOR LITTLE OR NOTHING THE DAY BEFORE! IT WAS A PERFECT DAY WITH HER! It was weird not driving her & being at the library to watch her perform an original piece, but she encouraged me to go to my call back & I felt torn, but it’s time to do some things for me now that they are older. My sacrifices of putting me on the back burner until they got older are paying off!

Well, I can't tell about 1 or 2 & not the others, lol! My youngest daughter has been cheering me on since I began pursuing my dream! She text me "YOU WERE CUT OUT FOR THIS MA, YOU'RE GOOD AT IT, ITS WHAT YOU DO ON A DAILY BASIS! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! JUST WANTED TO GIVE BACK TO U ALL THAT U GIVE TO ME, I LOVE YOU" I was bubbling over inside! WOW! **tears** She hugs me all the time & thanks me for believing in her & for loving her & for listening to her & for taking care of her…WOW, you never know how someone is watching everything you do & say & how you are affecting or impacting their lives! She plays basketball & I usually never miss a game, but since I have been pursuing my dreams, I have had to miss a few, I know she misses her #1 fan, but she supports me just like I support her! She says she understands & that its ok! TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!

My baby boy is not a baby anymore! He doesn't have a phone to text, yet, but he always hugs me at the most perfect times! I don't know if he needs it or if he knows that I need it, either way, God knows & HIS timing is perfect! Zeke prays for me out loud, all the time, about everything (just like I do for them) & I see his eyes & his face...he is so sincere & he truly expects & believes that God can & God will do just what he is asking, (just like me), gotta have that pure motive, childlike faith! I cherish all of these moments! We all talk individually & together & it’s never a dull moment! We laugh, we cry, we vent, we bicker, we share, we play, we love & we do it all TOGETHER! I like my quiet times, but I LOVE TOGETHER! Thank You Lord 4 my family! I love them all & I LOVE me some YOU! You have used Your Word & my family to validate me & to wrap your loving arms around me during this time where my mind wants my emotions to cave in & give up, but You have taught me that DEFEAT IS NOT AN OPTION! I WAS CUT OUT FOR THIS LIFE & ALL THAT IT MAY BRING! THANK YOU FOR REJECTION AS WELL AS ACCEPTANCE! THANK YOU FOR CLOSING DOORS AS WELL AS FOR OPENING WINDOWS & DOORS OF OPPORTUNITIES & ENOUGH BLESSINGS I WON’T EVEN HAVE ROOM TO RECEIVE! THANK YOU FOR RESTORING MY DREAMS & VISIONS AS WELL AS FOR PROVISIONS! THANK YOU FOR BUILDING MY CONFIDENCE, I BOAST IN YOU ABOUT YOUR GREATNESS! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE DIVINE CONNECTIONS AS WELL AS FOR ALL MY HATERS…KEEP HATING, YOU’RE ONLY SETTING ME UP FOR MORE BLESSINGS!!! THANK YOU LORD FOR TWO GREAT CHURCHES WHERE I GET A DOUBLE DIPPING DOSE OF YOU! MY FEELINGS ARE TEMPORAL & SUBJECT TO CHANGE SO I CAN NOT GO OFF OF WHAT I FEEL! I HAVE TO OPERATE IN WHAT I KNOW TO BE THE FACTS & THE FACT REMAINS TO BE THAT YOU LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY & YOUR PLANS FOR ME ARE GOOD & NOT EVIL! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LORD! ALL YOUR PROMISES ARE YES & AMEN! YOU’RE DA BOMBDIGITY!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD! YOU HAVE MADE ME GLAD & TAUGHT ME HOW TO ENCOURAGE MYSELF IN YOU LORD! WOW! YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME!!! I’M GOING TO WORSHIP YOU COLLECTIVELY WITH MY BROTHERS & SISTERS IN CHRIST NOW! THEN I AM GOING TO EAT SUNDAY DINNER WITH MY MOM, SIBLINGS, NIECES & NEPHEWS & MY CHILDREN AT HEADQUARTERS, LIKE WE USED TO DO AT BIGMA & PAW PAW’S HOUSE! THOSE WERE THE DAYS! IT’S ALREADY LOOKING BETTER LORD! THANK YOU THAT I ALREADY FEEL BETTER!!! I AM EXPECTING EVEN GREATER THINGS TODAY! I’M EXPECTING MIRACLES THAT ONLY YOU CAN PERFORM! SEE LORD, YOU MAKE ME SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE CAUSE OF CHRIST!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING VERY MUCH ALIVE IN ME! I KNOW I COULD NEVER NOR WOULD I LIKE TO TRY TO MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU! YOU ARE MY ABSOLUTE EVERYTHING!!! THANK YOU!



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

his side...Her Side...LOVE'S SIDE!

I want a divorce! NO! I DON'T AGREE, WHAT ABOUT OUR FAMILY?
I can't do this anymore! CAN'T DO WHAT? US? ARE YOU SURE? 
I want a divorce! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME WITH ALL THIS RESPONSIBILITY! 
This doesn't feel right! WHAT? RIGHT? HOW YOU FIGURE GIVING UP WITHOUT A FIGHT?
I want a divorce, this is too much! DID YOU PRAY FIRST? IN GOD, LET'S AGREE & TOUCH!
Who are you to question me? I'm so tired of this, I'm done! DO YOU THINK FOR ME, THIS IS FUN?
I wish I never...YOU WISH YOU NEVER WHAT?...Well, I remember when...FINE! THAT MAKES TWO OF US THEN...

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!

I want a divorce...Under the same roof, but there's a stranger among us, who is this person? 
I want a divorce...There are no normal discussions, only silence or loud cursin'! 
I want a divorce...This is not healthy for the kids, you, me or the unborn baby...things have got to get better before someone snaps & maybe...
I want a divorce...where have you been? This has to stop, its a sin!


It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!

Prayers bombard Heaven, boldly to GOD'S Throne I went...praying, travailing, seeking wise counsel, hours before God I spent! 
I CAN NOT FAIL AS A WIFE, WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY? I SHOULD HAVE WAITED LIKE GOD SAID & AVOIDED THIS TRAVESTY!
INSTEAD, I DISOBEYED & ALLOWED LUST TO MAKE ME RUSH! I THOUGHT I DID THE RIGHT THING, BUT...Well, I'd better hush!

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!

An exchange of words that cut like a sword, heated arguing that rings loud in the forefront of my mind LONG AFTER THE FIGHT IS OVER! 
It keeps rewinding to play again & again...I NEED THEE GREAT JEHOVAH!!! 
Dangling from his leg trying to hold on to family, how silly I must have looked!
Surely he'd be back, because I KNOW I had him hooked!
Things had been different for months! All over him was residue from "her"!
He was here, but miles away, no more family days at church!


It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over! 

WE'RE HOME! Church was great, you really missed a treat!
No response, no sign of him, closet & drawers...EMPTY!
On the bed I sat, dazed, with my children in my arms...
SAYING, "GOD WILL TAKE GREAT CARE OF US & PROTECT US FROM ALL HARM"! 

Phone rings...Hello? Girl, guess who I saw & he wasn't alone... 
AFTER A DAY OR TWO, GUESS WHO'S ON MY PHONE?...How you doing?   
IS THAT A TRICK QUESTION? COME HOME!
I'm not coming back...YEAH, I GATHERED THAT!
I met someone else & its serious, we're in love...YOU WOULDN'T KNOW LOVE IF HE FELL ON YOU FROM ABOVE!

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!


COMPLETE SILENCE! IN MY MIND, I HEAR THE DOOR SLAM! 
SEVERAL YEARS PASSED, BUT IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS..."BAM"!
My marriage, GONE...like the wind beneath my wings...my husband, GONE...like the air that I breathe...my partner, GONE...the years of my life up in smoke...my friend, GONE...BURNING FLAMES FLOOD MY SOUL! 
I was disobedient to God, He said WAIT! I was tired of sinning & believed it was better to marry than to burn with passion, but MY PRESENT BURNED AS I SUFFERED CONSEQUENCES OF MY PAST & ONLY ASHES WERE SEEN WHERE MY LIFE USED TO BE...ITS HISTORY!

It's over, I want a divorce, I'm done...I'm done...I want a divorce...it's over!
I ACCEPTED THE PART I PLAYED IN THIS & I FORGAVE...FOR MY HEALTH!
I DID NOT FAIL, MY MARRIAGE DID & I CAN'T BE IN ONE BY MYSELF!
IT TAKES TWO, I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE VOWS, ITS A MINISTRY THAT BINDS,
THIS TIME I'LL BE PATIENT, BECAUSE GOD SAYS, "HE WHO FINDS"
A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING & OBTAINS FAVOR FROM GOD,
I'M CONTENT BEING SINGLE, SAVED & CELIBATE, ALTHOUGH IT MAY SOUND ODD!

I KEPT THE DOOR OPEN FOR YEARS & IT TOOK YEARS FOR ME TO CLOSE...
I WENT FROM BEING HURT, BEYOND HEALED & NOW I'M BEING MADE WHOLE!  

Thank You Daddy God! I love You always, always & always! I look forward to our rendevous & intimacy where you look into me and see who You have completed me to be! You court me with sunshine kisses & pretty flowers...You date me & Your love rests gently on my heart just like Your morning dew drops! Whomever You allow to find me, let him find me working diligently in Your vineyard Lord & at that point, all the fingerprints from others will be cleansed from my crystal glass & I will be ready! Until then, if that be Your will for my life my Lord, please allow me to learn how to date You, how to be treated by seeing how You treat me, how to be loved by You, how to respect myself & command respect from all those who cross my path! You have made me a hopeful romantic my Lord, I can not get enough of You! Your love is deep, hide me in Your love my Lord! Prepare thou me oh Lord, to be Your wife, be my husband! When I can be faithful to You, my Lord, then I shall be able to be faithful to the one You are preparing me for! In order to get to me, He will have to be so deep into Your love, my Lord, because that is where You have hidden me! I hear You assure me, my Lord, that IT'S NOT OVER...YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME...YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH ME...YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH ME...YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE ME...IT'S NOT OVER!!!

GLORY TO YOU IN THE HIGHEST, MY LORD! BE GLORIFIED IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE, MY LORD! IN JESUS' NAME I PRAY, THANK YOU DADDY GOD, AMEN!
~HALLELUJAH~ 

Lashonda Hurt, Healed, Whole!






SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Forgiveness...

Since when did it become so hard to say "I apologize"? What do you say we try for a "please forgive me"? Not always easy for me! I would tell myself, "self, don't let pride get in your way...pride goes before destruction"! Self didn't always listen though! I'm reminded of what it felt like to have Godly sorrow for something I had done...its not the self punishment where I'd condemn myself to death, but its the conviction of  The Sweet Holy Spirit that loves me into correction! It's that gentle tap on the shoulder reminding me that I can do better than that! What really seals the deal for me is when God blesses me despite my mess, it makes me want to do right all the more! If God can love me & bless me even in my wrong, how much more will He bless me when I purpose to do what is right in His sight? I love You Lord, so very much!

Thank You Lord for forgiving me & for helping me to forgive myself !



SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Ouch! That Hurts!


Have you ever found yourself doing things that cause you pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or financial? If you answered yes then join the club! You're in the right place! You're officially HUMAN!


For some, you may throw yourself into things without thinking it through first! For others, you may totally over think everything and you wind up with nothing in the end! Are you indecisive? Just can't seem to make up your mind? Well, what happens when all of the above describes you perfectly? That used to be the case for me, until I got sick & tired of being sick & tired!


My Life was like a roller coaster ride, up, down & all around until I did some soul searching. I remember crying uncontrollably, feeling as though I was about to lose my mind... and that's when Jesus so lovingly tapped me on my shoulder & encouraged me to cast all of my cares upon Him, because He cares for me! It wasn't easy, but I began to hurl my concerns, my disappointments, my heartache, my failures, my heart's desires & my past upon Him! What a relief it was to unload everything! At least I thought it was everything, but it wasn't! I was relieved of the pressure for a moment, but unbeknownst to me, I didn't give my Lord all of it! I later realized that I kept some things in those secret places of my mind & heart!


So, my journey continues on... one step at a time!
SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Baby Steps...
Posted on October 25, 2010 at 10:01 AM Comments comments (0)

I'm still on my journey, taking one step at a time! I must tell you that some days the steps are so small that it seems I am barely even moving at all! How does one go from leaps & bounds to paralyzation? For me, when I feel I can barely move, that's when I know there is too much chatter in my mind! The seeds of fear sprouts negativity, which is used to shut me down! So, do I remain down? Nooooo! When the enemy talks, I TALK BACK! I say who God says I am! I speak positively, even if I don't feel it YET!

Its all about the process I'm going through, its NOT going to take me out! Its actually going to push me into being better! Sure, it hurts... it sucks, who wants to be mashed on all the time? However, I've learned to give thanks in everything & that helps me take baby steps FORWARD! So what's my point? I'm glad you asked! ;)

The bottom line is...I must KEEP IT MOVING!!!

SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Hello good people, its been a while! But, I'm back!

RE POST: We may not speak anymore but you still mean the world to me.

I read this post on Facebook & a lot of the comments people left & I see there are quite a few people who wish things were different! They long for a chance to be back in that person's good graces who they no longer talk to. I have been there myself! It has me thinking, got the creative juices stirring a bit! Gotta let it flow so others may know, the wisdom God imparts is coming from my heart... to yours, please receive it in love!

To everything there is a season. Whether it was a fight, a misunderstanding, a lie, cheating, backstabbing, an unhealthy relationship, a toxic friendship, you've just grown apart or death...the bottom line is that season in our life is over & that is painful! We can't undo whatever has been done or said, but we can learn from it & vow not to repeat it! There are many shoulda, coulda, woulda's in life, but yesterday is gone...what are we going to do with today? I have hurt others & I have been hurt by others. Both suck! I've learned that God can heal all wounded hearts & He can repair broken relationships between families & friends in His timing! FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT WE GIVE TO OURSELVES! ♥

Once we forgive, we can be made whole & enjoy life! I like to ask God why a person is in my path of living, is this person going to add to my life or take away from it? He will reveal it in one way or another! DON'T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS! ALLOW GOD TO GIVE YOU YOUR DIVINE CONNECTIONS! NOTHING HAPPENS BY CHANCE OR COINCIDENCE! Lonliness is a beast! I believe, deep down, we know when a person doesn't fit in our life, but for reasons of our own, we are holding on to them & hoping for the best! let's let the motives! If someone does not fit in your life...not supportive or understanding of your destiny, then why are they a part of your life? With their lips they say what they can to try to be a team player, but their actions show you something totally different! You can't force a person to understand your destiny or to fit into your life any more than you can force them to change! It's inevitable, eventually you'll either damage or be damaged; you'll either join forces or bump heads; you'll either be helped or hindered! Sometimes, they don't mean to harm you, its just that they honestly can not fathom what God is doing in your life! Especially if they are used to a common & mediocre life where everybody is doing the same old thing! Some will grow from your exposure to the light, but unfortunately, some will not! Their minds won't allow them to. That's a good to say, "its best to just part for the sake of peace"! There's nothing like peace of mind! Reassure them that its not that you think you are better than anyone else, its just that you chose to live for God who has destined you for greatness! There is nothing wrong with you wanting to live your best life for God! Please don't settle for less than God's best for your life! When we do that, we block all the avenues for those who are really supposed to be in our circle of trust! Clear the way for them!

ITS GREAT TO BE FREE, FREE TO BE ME!!!

SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

PEACE vs. DRAMA

Its been a while since my last entry, but that does not mean that I have not been making messes! I HAVE! I just have been so bogged down with all the cares of life that I have not taken time to write about anything! Well, I have recently joined the world of Facebook & I make a small entry on there a few times a week, but its different than journaling on here! This is like therapy for me! In the process I pray it helps someone else! I know for me, when I am going through, the enemy will try to make me feel as though I am all aone in the mess I am in! When in fact i know there are others experiencing similar if not the same things!
I work at a very public place & I meet all kinds of people! I hear the darndest things about people & thier lifestyles. Sometimes, its a bit overwhelming! Recently, I vented while others could hear me! I ranted & I raved because I just couldn't take it anymore! I was not swearing, just a fussing! I wasn't feeling well at all! Everyone was surprised, because they know I am usually the full of life, happy one! Well, everyone has thier days! I never professed to be perfect!
I can honestly say that I NEVER want to destroy the witness! I pray my behavior did not discourage anyone!

SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Did I Really Do That?

Hello, Its been a while since my last entry. I don't even know which of my messes to begin with! Ahhh, I'll go with the one I am most embarrassed about! Listening to a wolf in sheep clothing!

A guy I know from a mutual place was telling me some pretty nice things & made declarations about how he would treat me if I'd give him a chance. Everytime he saw me, he poured it on! I told him that I am not dating right now & that being friends was all I was interested in, but those nice things lingered in my mind for a few days & I was curious to see what type of guy he really was. Instead of me asking God to reveal his true colors, I did a little investigating on my own! Opperative phrase being "on my own"! Huge mistake! The Bible says HE THAT FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING! Not SHE that gets curious & puts herself in a guys path on purpose...!!! lol

One day, the guy bought lunch for my friend & me, which was nice, but "ain't nothing free"! Even a cup of coffee will cost you "something"  these days, it seems! That's a shame! Buying/Receiving something from someone DOES NOT make you obligated to sleep with them!

After a few conversations, I knew it was going to be a problem, because the majority of the conversations disturbed my peace! (red flag)

I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt until they show me otherwise & boy did he show me otherwise! We met for lunch, I parked my car & rode with him the rest of the way (silly me). He did not go straight to the restaurant! I said, "Oh Lord, here we go!" I knew as soon as I got dropped off to my car safely, that I never wanted to interact with him ever again! Looking back on it, I knew those red flags were there all along! Sure, I felt stupid for a minute, but my turn around time is much faster now! I am not where I should be, but I thank God I am not like I used to be! While in that situation, God showed me my growth & my level of maturity rising! Thank You Lord!

Well, I asked God's forgiveness for stepping ahead of Him & asked him how to exit that situation permanently & God in His compassion showed me right away! I exited that situation GRACEFULLY!  I also asked God to increase my spirit of discernment so I won't keep making foolish choices with foolish people!

God is so faithful! He is my Keeper, my Protector & my Lord!

When we take a stand & respect ourselves, it commands others to respect us! It is NEVER ok for someone to manipulate or take advantage of or verbally, mentally or physically abuse you! God always makes a way of escape, all we have to do is TAKE IT!

It is so important to guard our mind as well as our heart like the Bible says! Watch what you allow into your ear gates & eye gates! I've found that it WILL produce fruit whether ripe or rotten! We don't always know how to right our wrongs, but GOD DOES! 

The Bible says if we lack wisdom, we can ask God for it & He will give it to us liberally! Lets ask Him! NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN GOD'S BEST FOR YOUR LIFE!

Once again, God allowed me to experience something that I chose to do & I made a mess of it, but He created a message out of it!  I just want to be an obedient yielded vessel, transparent, never trying to save face so that others can seek Your face Lord!! Thank You Lord, be Glorified in my life!

Be Careful & Be Prayerful my friends!

SALVATION... Please Don't Leave Earth Without It!

Boy, Did I Blow It!

Have you ever had days when you'd just lose it? I mean, you allow someone or something to really take you there? I had one yesterday! My kids & I were at the park enjoying a back to school party when a cluster of parents were saying something negative about the way I chose to do something! Normally I would just laugh it off, but for some reason, this time I totally over reacted! I did not use swear words or anything, but my tone was a HOT MESS! Completely out of character! It was like an out of body experience where I was standing outside of me watching myself snap off in total disbelief! Its like I could feel rage brewing inside as if I had been harboring these feelings for quite some time! Had I? After all these years of school activities had I had enough of the over achieving do gooders who think their children can do no wrong? Surely that wasn't the case! Or was it?

I was convicted instantly of my behavior, but my pride was not going to let me back down! I had to dig deep & pull out some humility! The Bible tells us to "humble ourselves", which is way better that God doing it for us! I sat trying to enjoy the rest of the festivities with my friend who brought her children to play with mine. I kept seeing the parents I had words with & they all seemed to have moved on to enjoy the party! I, on the other hand, was still kinda upset at what took place! I took a deep breath & attempted to right my wrong, but apparently I didn't do it quick enough nor with proper intent, because just as I was about to show them that I was the bigger person, a bug flew in my eye! Ouch!

SLOW OBEDIENCE IS JUST LIKE NO OBEDIENCE! I was unable to enjoy the rest of the evening! My eye had swolen up & everything! I flushed it out several times & I am ok now, but I believe God allowed this entire scenario to happen so I could see what was still lurking inside of me & He gave me an opportunity to deal with it! Unfortunately, for this test, I failed! But, I am thankful that He allowed me to be able to see the error of my ways, repent & turn away from that sort of behavior! Had it not happened, I would not have known that it was still in me to behave that way & it would still be laying dormant until another episode, which could be worse & even more dangerous! I had Godly sorrow! Yes, God forgives us our sins, however, there are consequences for our every action & boy, did I suffer the consequences for mine! lol

I am glad my children didn't see what happened & that it wasn't a physical fight with cursing & stuff, but I still have to be very careful where ever I go & in all that I do, not to destroy the witness! That type of behavior doesn't go with my destiny at all!Once again, God has turned my mess into His Message for His Glory! Thank You Lord, You're The Bomb Diggity!

(Remember, thank you always makes room for more!)